He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
