my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
