just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
