anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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