My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize