Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
