Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
