Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
