they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
