omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
