party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
