Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
