Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
