I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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