i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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