When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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