Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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