I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize