Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
