hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
