Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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