Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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