I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
