ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
