I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
