You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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