Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
