Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
