i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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