Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
