Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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