My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize