I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
