This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize