a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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