Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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