Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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