You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
