She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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