Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
