You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
