as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
