hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
