how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
