Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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