it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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