thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize