Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
