Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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