Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to cum in my sink.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
