Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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