i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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