oh god the rape fog is back!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
