I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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