I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
