I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize