i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
