dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
