Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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