I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
