Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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