I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I just put wine in my tea
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
