I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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