she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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