It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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