A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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