Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
