No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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