xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
