So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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