please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
