I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
