Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
